the. End.

well, time ticks by so quickly don't you think?

it had been awhile since i last blog, two months to be exact.

and i believe, that no one ever reads my blog anymore, ever. hence, there isn't a need to do anything towards it actually.

but I've decided to let go these old memories and let 'em pass me by.

because by continuing to blog here, will often rejuvenate the pain, the hurt and i will never be able to let go and move on.

not that ending this chapter of my life and start afresh with a new blog, a new chapter would possibly guarantees me being able to move on or letting go...but this would be the least i got to do. the least i can do for myself. and at the very end of it, at least i tried.

so, Goodbye.

for the spur of moment, i suddenly felt so lousy and shitty. worst so when i totally have no clue why do i felt this way. times like this usually happened when everything just tend to happen at the same time. and at moments like this, you really hope hard to have someone you know that cares for you to be there with you. to know that you're feeling down and to appear with something that will cheer you up instantly. but at moments like this, i have no one sadly, but myself.

i put on a jumper and went down to the mini mart a block a way to get some comfort food, to know that, i caught my eyes with lil' tubs of ice-cream that i long time craved. and then, i got myself one.

ice-cream while blogging in bed while reminiscing over how easy i once was to feel happy again...my personal comfort at the moment.

it's not the same anymore...

the way he touches me, the way he cuddle, the way he love, the way he make love to me...

but i wanted to pretend all is back to normal.

yes i still am living in denial.

no, you just don't understand...

went back home after my flight from Zurich, not on the touch down day, but the very next day tho, as i needed the rest. this time back home mainly cause i needed to get my medication stocked up since, it has been long time finished. also to go through medical check up and of course as promised to dad, for the consultation.

on the other hand, i was super angry and irritated with AirAsia!

i'm never gonna take AirAsia ever EVER again, trust me..so angry..i shan't rant over it here. but yea, i ranted so much to Hock i think that's like practically more than enough.. shall let the case rest.

so home with the family, precious times. Dinner at LalaChong, a seafood restaurant with Uncle Arnold and his family was good. Time spent with loved ones are always sweet and good.

And who in the world would ever thought that dinner at such place could bring you colliding with someone you've missed since high school? and there, i was i-phoning Hock and as i turned, i saw who i've always wanted to see since we've lost touch...Dwayne Chin. From a lil boy he used to be to someone so growned up, that i just can't help but got to look up and talk to him. We hugged. His hug was so warm and cuddly. i like. it felt just right. so comfortable, to a certain point i didnt wanna let go.but at the same time, a certain awkwardness filled the air.

so yeap, we talked a lil and exchanged cell numbers, once again.

and i hated acupunctures...daddy brought me to the singse for consultation...and then he started saying something to do with the nerves behind my neck, then he start putting needles on me! which i didn't have the chance to stop him from doing so. that's so not right!so unfair!!!

and then the buzzing sound in my ear got even louder than it used to. told the doctor about it, he came and put another 2 needles close to my ears.

WTF right?!? super angry la. i super non stop complaining to Hock after that. then i felt so much better.

Came back to Singapore with JetStar airways. Hock told me that he couldn't come and pick me up from the airport. hence, i took a cabbie to his place just to spend some time with him.

and then lil jared was still widely awake!!! omigosh!!!

he came running to me with a wide smile and..."jie jieeeeeeeee!!!!" and then jump on me.

planting kisses on me and a big lil' hug he had! tell me how not to melt. tell me???lol.

terus melt larh.

then i brought him into the room and tried to put him to sleep. while his daddy was playing the guitar in the other room, Jared came over and join as well. he took his sister, Jadyn's guitar and played but accidentally knocked his daddy's guitar which is hanging on the wall, having Hock scolded him. the shocking look on lil jr.'s face was practically plastered on him. then i told him, come tell daddy goodnight and then we go oi oi ok?

he held his daddy's face filling his two lil' hands and say," darddie!!ghuuuudnaighhht!!......"

aiyoh!...sho super cute larh..tell me how to be angry?haha. carried him to the other room and literally threw him on the bed, gave him a schmacck on his pampered buttocks and planted a goodnight kiss on him and pat him to sleep. felt like a mummy, but in a good way. think lil' Jared is getting alil' attach to me already. good thing no?

(:

hock sent me home and then i prepared myself with homeworks for Abu Dhabi flight tomorrow.

nights people.

I want...

HOT PINK and WHITE helium balloons!

i want to feel like a lil' girl again.

please...

IT'S STILL NOT SNOWING!!!

oh please please snow! ):

just alil will do anyway..just alil..really.

"there's always that one person,

no matter how long it's been; or how badly they've treated you,

if they say i love you...you will say it back."

i wish

...wishing there were snow falling over here in Zurich, no white christmas;

then please do let me have a white 22nd birthday, would you?

just want to hold a small cupcake with a candle and blow it while snowflakes falling down on me...

"because even if it breaks your heart to be just friends;

if you really care about that someone, you'll take the hit."

...exposing one's true colors.

well...

Don't you see it? Well, you don’t get to choose; you just fall in love. And you get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time. And you know that you love them so much, except sometimes they just drive you completely insane and no one can explain it. And the reason it’s so confusing and it all boils down to...LOVE. Because it’s love. If love didn’t have any challenges, what would be the point then? Why do we want to get involve? Why must we want to feel the same way over and over again?

...Because love, keeps us looking forward to living each day.

I MISS YOU

i probably shouldn't, but oh well.

...dragging my feet to pack

...for flight to Adelaide

and for moving to another new home.

in which i hated the most is packing and unpacking and trying to settle down again after you're being so comfortable.

currently, my packing status is practically still 0%

which means? i'm still lowly procrastinating. no good.

gah...le sigh..

me no likey

PMS

):

*because...I'm missing you right here right now.

"I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime."

what should I do?

tell me, how do you make someone love you back just like how you want 'em to be?

or rather how do we make someone who kept saying that they like you but yet unable to confirm what kinda like they have to offer to you?

is the like significant? is it enough? is it strong enough to keep you being patient to see things work?

or is it just plain infatuation? plain lust?

well, i really don't know. i wish i do tho.

"the way to love someone is to lightly run your

fingers over that person's soul until you

find a crack,

and then gently pour your love into that crack."

...guess we all gotta learn to grow up the hard way

"So often we don’t say ‘I love you’

because we fear losing that special someone,

but more often so,

we lose them because we fear saying 'em ‘I love you.’"