hmmm...

well, i have been running through my old posts in my blog...
and i just realised that i changed alot through the times i started blogging
i changed in a sense.
as i was reviewing my older posts, i remembered tat
most of my post consist mainly of my studies and projects and bout my study life...nothing more except special happenings..

i used to post so much about my course, my class, my projects, my assignments, my classmates, my lecturers, my stress, my pimples and basically all bout my studies..
and as i review to the recent posts beginning from the preprom talent show post, i realised i haven been doing what i did last time-blogging on my course.my studies.
heck i blog practically about my life...my personal life which i suppose i haven the intention to do so last time.
i wonder have i really changed?
i begin to miss the hardworking lynn that she used to be before prom
the gurl who used to be really crazy and into her work that she gave a 150 % into it.
[it is proven by my bestie.]
but that was then.
the gurl who was so into her work that she barely have time for her beauty sleep.her family.her bestie.and herself.whats more chilling out time.
the gurl who was once so focus in her studies that she dont take any personal relation into consideration
and most importantly,
the lynn who was once a perfectionist that she wud even not pick up calls when she was doing her work.

i looked back my life and i realised i slacked so much!

am i still the gurl who seek perfection?
i know i still am...i hope so.
but what is pulling me back?
have i been too playful since prom happened?
i asked all these to myself...
and you know what i answered?
i think i am.
i think i slacked.which caused my results to drop.
i think i played too much that is why i lost concentration.
i think i gotten too soft that is why my focus was so low i had no mood to do my projects and assgns.
i think i forseen perfection. as for now i only want to finish my work and pass it up.

is all this a good change?
i dont think so.
therefore, i told myself i got to turn myself back to the old lynn
the one who used to be so focus and into achieving her big big dream
the one who do not take her life as her prior but her studies is
the one who seek perfection that may cause her to lose terrible hope when she falls oneday.

i miss the girl.i missed the old lynn. i missed the perfectionist!

so from this moment onwards, i promise myself to go back to who i am.
to the person i once enjoy being one.
to the li lynn who seek perfection that everyone was worried of her as she was a highly a perfectionist.*guez for me, being a perfectionist is not too bad after all, atleast it motivates me to continue pushing myself inorder everthing to be thoroughly perfect.*
to be the gurl who want to achieve her big dream to proove to all that they must not belittle her.
and from this moment onwards, i am the old li lynn...

the great old loong li-lynn.

.as i ponder for a wider view of the brighter side of my life.

yesterday,
i tried searching for the brighter side of me...
where i wanna see the hopeful side of me
i haven been feeling hope in my life for a whole month long
and i miss those laughters i used to have whenever im with my friends and family...
but now it's gone.vanished.

therefore i tried searching again..learning to look farther than what i usually set my eyes to.
i realised i discover many things.

friends that sacrificed alot for me just to cheer me up
friends that silently work their magic on me showing their care, support and love
friends that knew all my sadness yet not running away from me but still hanging on there to be with me knowing i needed them so much to continue living
family who worries so much over my health being and me still-not-being-over with what i've gone through.
family who loves me and filled with advises and love.

then i was telling myself what i was lacking in my life?my part?

i realised i am blessed with all the best thing around me .
i seriously cant complaint much.
but there is still an emptiness in me that i still haven't find the right one to fit it yet.

i was suppose to look out of my sad parts of my life and search for the happy ones
but somehow, i ended moving backwards.
back to the practices and rehearsal days.
back to the 5th and 6th of april 2007.

and now i feel
alone.sad.empty.imperfect.

.i lost myself.personally

oNe wish.onLy

so, lately many things happened...
be it whether i wan it to or not
...hmmm
i dunno whether things are running the way i wan now
but things somehow looks like moving to the wrong direction
to the emo direction
and its really getting into me.

in life, many things people do out of silliness
and by doing that, they thought that the matter is solved
done.no more problems.can move on.
but the fact is, the only thing that they did was avoiding.
avoiding the problem yet it still lies in them
no matter wat.that they dunno.

why must we live life avoiding one another?
when we can happily be friends.
and friends are meant to be made for life.
stay together.thru thick and thin.

it's funny how things can change so drastically
just for something that might-be-a-mistake happened.
then we cannot be like how we used to be close again before?
sometimes i just dun understand how a human being think?
if everyone can be more simple, then everything would fine.
as living life simple, there wont be worries and all.
[am not saying im living life simple, i'm really a complicated one, i can be really happy infront of you and still remain otherwise inside-outer look can be deceiving-and i want to be more simpler..then things would be much easier]

people say, we shud enjoy life to the fullest-how can we do so when there's so much to worry for what will happen tomoro, the next day, the future?

people say, what is past let it go-dun look back but move on. but how, how can you do so when
you know there's unsettle things that bothers you so. that needed to be solve but we do not dare to face it.

people say, certain things are better left unsolved-but unsolved problems will only bother you in life.then living life in that way will only make life feeling miserable as you know there's something suppose to be settle but is not. how can we move on in that way?

ok...i know i'm getting even more and more emo these days..
forgive me..
but yesh!
conclusion=
i think its really a better way to sit down and talk things out...
settle the unsolved problems and move on.
why must avoid one another?
is life easier living the way lidat when the world where everyone avoids one another just because they do not dare to solve it?

...lynn's theory of some parts of life...

Sometimes, you have to do the wrong thing. Sometimes, you have to make the biggest mistake to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful, it hurts, but they are the only way to find out who you really are. where you shud be heading to. from mistakes we made, we learnt from them.

back for a reason...

finally got my connection activated gain
hmmm...
i dunno why i'm so emo now i dun really have da mood to blog

some idiots just for no other better things to do, do not have life, spammed my cbox...
thankfully there's people "chuthei" for me...
=D
thanx people...
you know who you are, i need not mention...

anyhow, sometimes i really dun understand life
it may be a beauty one time and hell the other
how can it be such a vast different in few days?

often question myself when i lie on my soft, lovely, best place on earth
*my bed*
wonder is everything made and done for a reason...
wonder why am i born in this dreadful [but at times beautiful] world
for being happy for just a speckle of moment and being hurt and heartbroken
for a long time

i searched for an answer, yet unable to get it
it really hurts when you cant really tell anyone how you feel..
the true feeling that lies within you
and this is so bothering
causing me facing depression day after day

can't things be normal again?
just because something that is not suppose to happen happened and things are all different now?
and that we wont be able to be bestfriends again?
to be close like we once used to?

and that things wont turned back to what it shud be again
why must it?

depression is really getting into me...
i.dunno.why
my mood is damn down these days that i barely able to find inspiration
)=
i need a talk to him
atleast i'll be able to settle that and move on
now i'm like a headless chicken
heading.to.no.where.

i can't fail this term.this sem
i muz scored as what people put hopes in me
high.hopes

anyway....sorry for this emo post...i really needed somewhere to rant
i do not want to trouble my dears to listen to all my sadness
every.single.time
sowee gurls...