oook...another nickname for me

from shin yu!!
chin jou named me "dwaedwaejiz" because in korean, it meant piggy
then shin found out i love piggiez, she decided to name me "BUTA"...this time, i'll let you readers guez whats that means...

lol

=D

and note to chinchin:

ala...what buta dwaejiz=blind pig?

calling me blind pig la...

fine!

what's cute fat pink means in korean, chin?

and in jap, shin?

lol...but thanx gurls for figuring out names related to my favourite for me...hehe

love yea...muaxiez ; *

:)

ook...i just found out i was named "dwaedwae jiz" by chinnie...
wanna know whats the meaning?
ask her yourself!

thanx chinnie...
im ok with that...besides, i am always tat!i admit...lol
=)

muah*

welcome back!

evan chua goeh kien!

welcome back to malaysia for your breakie of 2 and 1/2 monthS

hope to catch up with you soon...cant wait!

and yea...its nice seeing you again...

till then, keep in touch!

=0)

im tired...i really am...i feel lost in this world

lost in every aspect
i feel unwanted.unbelonged

i really am very tired
tired of my course, my personal probs, my family probs, and loads more
im tired of feeling the pain that hurts so much!
im tired of feeling the urge of killing myself due to the bad pain im in
im tired of taking everything to my own concern
to make decisions where i know its impossible ill be able to do so

im just so tired that i do not know how to deal with my life
that im not sure what im doing is right or wrong
i lost hope in nearly every possible things
i feel drowned into a really HUGE lake where no one will ever possibly think i could and will never know no matter what, how or when..i just drowned

.moodless i must say, emofy-ing i am.

i wanna feel free...like how lil kids do
free from every complication and live life to its simplicity
i wanna feel free!

.pink carnations for the mummies.

.flowers are lovely.

i decided to do something special dis year...

for mummy's day!

so i went out early to the market to get carnations

and i got them

PINK colour ones...

=P

anyhoo...i surprised few mummies[the special mummies...shhh...it's special, i shall keep their identities anonymous...lol...love you mummies!] with the flowers and they were touched

goodness...

it makes me had a smile on my face that very day...lol..

...enjoying the moment to put a smile on people's face...

the sunset on the way home from college

look at the beauty of the sunset...
look at the pretty clouds forming in the wide sky...
look deeply into this hour of the day and you'll know how beautiful the sunset is...
it's amazing.it's beautiful.it's undescribable.

i'm not too sure why i'm like so obsessed with the sunset these days...maybe i'm really getting emo alot lately
anyhow, i just love to witness the sunset everyday, everytime..
and my wish now?
watching the sunrise with a special someone sometime soon.
[can anyone fulfil this with me?for this poor sick lil girl?]



loving it...

being emotional at this time.

when my sickening sensitive brain-aches attacks
i started to think nonsensically
i started to think pessimisticly...
which i really donut like it!!!

i started thinking of things i wanna remember for life
i started to get so emo.
which isn't what i wanted to even if i try

last time i got so emo over my family
i was thinking if i ever leave this world...how will my family do without me
will they be so sad that, i bring more sadness to them?

then the previous time i got emo over my friends...
that i was thinking if there is ever a something in my silly left brain.a tumor or whatever.
i wonder will they leave me instead of being by my side
supporting me
because there's flaws in me.an imperfection.not perfect anymore
=(

then now, i'm getting extremely emo over practically everything.
i cant even do my work...my projects which is like piling up higher than mount everest!
stupid notty brain...muz just attack me after such a long time not doing so..
and muz it be at this time of my life..
how can i handle the hecticNess of my course and everything evolving around me?
if only i got someone to share them with
to tell him how important he is to me!

and i wont and will not want to go for the check!
i dun wan. no one can make me
even how painful i'm now.
even how i cant stand the pain
i wont
i dun wan waste money
and idun wan know whats happening to me, to my head.

*****

at times, i really wonder whether its time to let certain things go.
whether is it the right thing to do when you can take it no more.

then i now came to a,

conclusion,
i miss the presence of him
i misshow much we once enjoy the company of each other,
i miss how much we once will do every possible things for each other
and i realise i really do miss him.

yes...it's always like this when i doubt my life span in this world
as i am not only having health probs but also family probs, financial probs and my depressed feelings...
and it's really sanfu as i cant find someone who truly understand my situation rite now.

i'm really scared.
sometimes it's not only a merely migrain that attacks...
it's more than that...
[atleast migrain can be relieved by some prescribed painkiller, but hell no for this time]
it's like NO!!!
it's really killing me...

my head is killing me!!!

yesh...

my headache attacks me again...sigh...
no...no its not a normal plain headache where after taking panadol everything will b fine...

but it's the headache where even itake the prescibed painkiller by my neurologist also still unable to relief me.
the pain is terrible.horrible.

and i cant believe i'm blogging...probably because i needed somewhere i can let loose...
anyhow
i dun wanna admit hospital!
i dun i dun i DUN!

i dun like the hospital, i dun like to sleep there alone...i dun like undergo the brain scan
i dun wan to get into that scary machine where i cant move...

i dun wan!!!

i scared scared neh...
sigh...maybe ive been thinking so much on all the sad stuff where i ter-ganggu my sensitive brain

but seriously, i dun wanna admit hospital again..
i dun wan mummy and daddy waste money on me for the scan
i dun wan to be there alone
i dun wanna know what is happening with my brain...

i would rather let myself suffer than to go through all these where i know i have no strength to overcome it...

.as i ponder for a wider view of the brighter side of my life.

yesterday,
i tried searching for the brighter side of me...
where i wanna see the hopeful side of me
i haven been feeling hope in my life for a whole month long
and i miss those laughters i used to have whenever im with my friends and family...
but now it's gone.vanished.

therefore i tried searching again..learning to look farther than what i usually set my eyes to.
i realised i discover many things.

friends that sacrificed alot for me just to cheer me up
friends that silently work their magic on me showing their care, support and love
friends that knew all my sadness yet not running away from me but still hanging on there to be with me knowing i needed them so much to continue living
family who worries so much over my health being and me still-not-being-over with what i've gone through.
family who loves me and filled with advises and love.

then i was telling myself what i was lacking in my life?my part?

i realised i am blessed with all the best thing around me .
i seriously cant complaint much.
but there is still an emptiness in me that i still haven't find the right one to fit it yet.

i was suppose to look out of my sad parts of my life and search for the happy ones
but somehow, i ended moving backwards.
back to the practices and rehearsal days.
back to the 5th and 6th of april 2007.

and now i feel
alone.sad.empty.imperfect.

.i lost myself.personally

an undeniable beauty

the sunset at 19.18 on 5th may 2007
it's amazing how it sets so fast in just 3minutes=)
now the sky is really purtey!!!

what a view...

never really get to enjoy the sunset in the k.l city till today!

it's like if im not busy or that i wont be able to catch the time

or probably using the excuse of not having a partner to enjoy it with

gotta admit, she's a beauty....

i wanna catch the sunrise view sometime soon

with him

i believe the sunrise will be another excellent beauty!

be it the sunrise or sunset, both are no doubt, worth while catching!

-i believe the sunrise brings us new beginning

and the sunset allow us to have a pretty ending-

lynnie's duckie...

yes!!!dat's rite...lynn has finally gotten herself a new pendrive a few weeks back..
its d apacer brand...

yes yes, i will take good good care or it!
i pwomise
i wont let it go into the washing machine
i wont let it be drowned in thinner
i wont let it drop into the toilet hole
and most of all i wont let it be further from me at all!

therefore, i wanted to get something to help me to protect my newly penniedrive=)
and coincidently,
this hunnie is so nicey to get me one uber cute duckie
where i heart it like so muchie!!!
thank you so much!!!
though i know you dun really come by my blog...but i just hope that when you ever enter next time, you will be able to see what i wrote to you!!!
BUT thanx to you, now i got lil duckie to help me sama sama care for my pendrive!!!yeaY!!!
=P

thank you so muchie for always being the one to give me surprises...
i know you very sayang me!
thank you big beary...

oNe wish.onLy

so, lately many things happened...
be it whether i wan it to or not
...hmmm
i dunno whether things are running the way i wan now
but things somehow looks like moving to the wrong direction
to the emo direction
and its really getting into me.

in life, many things people do out of silliness
and by doing that, they thought that the matter is solved
done.no more problems.can move on.
but the fact is, the only thing that they did was avoiding.
avoiding the problem yet it still lies in them
no matter wat.that they dunno.

why must we live life avoiding one another?
when we can happily be friends.
and friends are meant to be made for life.
stay together.thru thick and thin.

it's funny how things can change so drastically
just for something that might-be-a-mistake happened.
then we cannot be like how we used to be close again before?
sometimes i just dun understand how a human being think?
if everyone can be more simple, then everything would fine.
as living life simple, there wont be worries and all.
[am not saying im living life simple, i'm really a complicated one, i can be really happy infront of you and still remain otherwise inside-outer look can be deceiving-and i want to be more simpler..then things would be much easier]

people say, we shud enjoy life to the fullest-how can we do so when there's so much to worry for what will happen tomoro, the next day, the future?

people say, what is past let it go-dun look back but move on. but how, how can you do so when
you know there's unsettle things that bothers you so. that needed to be solve but we do not dare to face it.

people say, certain things are better left unsolved-but unsolved problems will only bother you in life.then living life in that way will only make life feeling miserable as you know there's something suppose to be settle but is not. how can we move on in that way?

ok...i know i'm getting even more and more emo these days..
forgive me..
but yesh!
conclusion=
i think its really a better way to sit down and talk things out...
settle the unsolved problems and move on.
why must avoid one another?
is life easier living the way lidat when the world where everyone avoids one another just because they do not dare to solve it?

...lynn's theory of some parts of life...

My heart*

Irwansyah & Acha - My Heart

Disini kau dan aku
Terbiasa bersama
Menjalani kasih sayang
Bahagia ku denganmu

Pernahkah kau menguntai
Hari paling indah
Ku ukir nama kita berdua
Disini surga kita

(chorus)
Bila kita mencintai yang lain
Mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
Sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
Sayang ku akan hilang

If u love somebody
Could we be this strong
I will fight to win
Our love will conquer all
Wouldn’t reach my love
Even just one night
Our love will stay in my heart
My heart

*one classic beauty...
listen to the song and read the lyrics...
ever so touching and so emo lo...

then . now

i had a haircut 3 weeks ago...

REGRET?

nope, i dun think so...

infact im happy with it now

though its uber short but it feels good

it feels nice

fresh.light.easy

before, mine was already short...

love it too

but college is having too many girls who is having the same hairstyle

therefore, i wanted a change

to be different from them

CHOP of my hair lo

luckily it was wat i wanted or not i sure cry one=P

=then=

=now=

i love it and heart it!!!

a new fresh me=)

*yawn*

going to sleep now...
havent been having real good night sleeps lately...
you and i know why
need not me repeat gain
i shall do more post esok!

niteynites people!
selamat malam, orang!
sweetdreams...

wo chu sui jiao lo...

piggie say sleep well people...
muaxiez

the weekends was nice!

early saturday morn [or rather early saturday afternoon]

woke up preparing for lunch with sis and mum

there came the ring of my cellphone

i.picked.up

karlson ask me to go for breakfast...oopsie lunch i meant

(=

there...

feeling guilty of going or not going as i pwomised mum and sis for lunch.

yet i made the decision to go...

=P

went ber-lunching with the bunch

karl.bestie.zhenquan

at the place where i can SATISFY my every so crazy craving over the honey spare ribs rice

...WONG KOK char chan teng...

=D

it was hilarious as the me made so many silly stuff...

causing all of us to feel so shy

*blushes*

aftertat, we ber-shopping alil in SS2

saw cute puppies, karl bought the ever so spongie waffles

(my...karl you really manage to wobble it all up!lol)

then we headed to Giant for some ber-chilling session...

bought another waffles-i did!=)

but this was way so much better...

it tasted yummilicious!

[lick lips...drooling]

went into D.F.O

got the self a black long sleeves off-shoulders blouse...

which is really really purtey!

went back...late...

lol

lunch and the chats and the chilling were all so fun...

hehe

some pics during of us

the bestie . me - our first tryout...

the uS again - second attempt

no doubt the third attempt -still it wasnt good enuff!then decided to go individual-now it looks so much better...heart it!my attempt...was a good one...lol...or is it that she's a good poser or maybe me the pro?=Dthe bestie.camwhoringuS-one final last shot with our own attire

thank you very much for your patience in viewing...

now tataH!

dear santa

dearest santa,

i'm sorry that i'm sending my letter a lil late this year..
i know i know it's really a laz minute..
but i seriously got no time lo...i really hope you dun mind...
sowie k?

anyway, this year, my chwistmas wish is really simple..
i'm wishing for a really blessed chwistmas...
one filled with love and fwenz...
that my fwenz all remain in my life over all circumstances..
stand by me during the ups and downs..
during tears and laughter...
as i believe that friends are really important in ones life
ESPECIALLY mine!!!
i mizz all my friends that i once close with..
i know friends come and go in life, but i want mine all to stay...hmmm...
anyway, i hope my this simple wish cud b granted by you, santa...
it really mean alot to me..

besides that, i wish that i can spend this year chwistmas with my someone special..
chwistmas is all about love and giving..
i want to spend my chwistmas dis year with the most special person who love me for who i am, who cares alot for me, who wants to spend the rest of his time [especially on special occasion like chwistmas] with me, who understands me and everything..

i hope my wiz wud be granted by you santa..

got to go...thanx before hand...
have a jolly wolly mewie chwistmas, SANTA CLAUS!!!

*p/s-send my regards to mr's claus as well...thnx...

updates updates...

so yea...it's been like so long i din blog..
sowie ya..especially to jon..
i'll especially update my blog for your sake k?lol...

hmmm...
to make things short and simple...
practically my entire wik...was:

coasters + capsicum + english essay + critical studies assignment + printmaking + painting + coasters again + capsicum painting again + task 5 + projects + assignment = lynn's crazy and hectic schedule

hmmm...nothing much actually...
owh...will specifically talk bout my wikends lo..

saturday, i went out with mum to bangsar..
went to blook and cat whiskers..
bought a pur tey chwistmas dwess there..

pur tey rite?...heart it so muchie!!!

hopefully i'll be able to wait till chwistmas and wear it on dat special day...
it wud b betta if with someone special!
then bought a pants...
heart it so muchie!!

on sunday...mum and i went to o.u
bought a belt to match my dwess...*the one wrap around my dress in d pic?*
so happy..
hmmm...but o.u was not that satisfying...
cuz i didnt have enuff time to go shop for my heels, my turqoise eye shadow and my earrings...but still happie cuz mum bring mua to shopping!

thanx mummie dearest!

that's bout it la..soooo muz go shopping this wikend...
wanna oioi d...nites...

pur tey pur tey day!

yea...lets talk bout friday...meaning few minutes ago the day..
hehe...
er..it's a really pwetty day...
i gave Mr kelvin, miss jinchi, miss ruby, miss catherine and miss michelle chwistmas pwessies...
they were surprised with me giving the chwistmas pwessies...
it's er...hand made chwistmas pendrive holder...
*pwobly they din expect lo*lol
so..yea...
giving during chwistmas is such a wonderful feeling..
love giving instead of receiving...but if got ppl give pwessie...ofcuz i heart also le...lol...
who dun love pwessies one?...especially those pwessies that come with surpwises...i lagi heart!

hmmm..
so yea...besides that, mr kelvin finalised my capsicum realism painting on canvas to be exhibited LONG TERM in kbu...

that's like yeay!!!
hehe
it's really a gud thing lo...
and also a gud thing mr. kelvin like my painting..hehe
so now if anyone go kbu...can c my painting...it's the only canvas with eight(cuz the kbu owner very into feng shui 1)capsicums that is painted in realism style...
therefore...it's very easy to know that that is mine lo...lol

so yea, besides that...
all of us...the fca20-ians...
all dressed in red and green with chwistmas hats...for photo sessions..
will post the pic up soon ya..
even miss jinchi and miss ruby wore something in common..hehe..
so took lotsa pics lo..

after coll, went to pyramid with most of my classmates to ber-iceskating...
quite fun...really cute and funny when you see ing hou, andy, wendy and steve in particular skate...so cute...wat's their theory?..er..wat 99% style but 1% skill...haha

hmm...came back bout 11 something...went yamcha with hsien wen nearby...
cudn't believe that i was so thirsty till i gulp down 3 cups of drinks...siaw rite?...

and and i learned some silly new words from ing hou and the grup...what "su wa ki to lou"?what's that?...er..er..
it's started off by them in their own meaning "so what"...lol..

hmmm...that's bout it lo..
so nice...enjoyed today alot...cuz it's a special and so fun day...hehe

new beginning...

picked this from my laz blog...

why new blog?
i wanna start everything over again...that's why...
it's gonna be a new beginning da minute i blog this...
for college, for everything that happened in the past few weeks, for life, for everything...
today's my laz day for holz...
so sad...
so not prepared for coll tomorrow...
i've lost few of my belongings and art materials since holz starts...
clumsy me rite?...i know i know...
my room's a mess k...so ya, probably i just don't remember where i locate them...
kinda nervous for college...
hope everything run smoothly...
hmmm...can't believe holz coming to an end and i never really did much for it...
besides going out every nite...la...
but it wasn't that bad
i getta meet a bunch of friends...
that make holz pretty meaningful..
a bunch of nice people..
a TRUE BLESSING!
apart from that, i got active in scouters' council lo..
nothing much d...
i'm kinda worried for my interview results...
praying really hard to God...
hopefully i can get it lo..
and i know there are people out there praying hard for me too...rite?...if you're reading this, you shud know who you are...
hehe...thnx alot!
all those support i need during the downtimes....those comfort i had during the uptimes...
thnx so much for being there with open arms to hold me when i was falling..
i truly appreciate it!
it's all gonna be different tomorrow onwards...
a new beginning for me, a new start up...but it's gonna be the same ME going through all this!
and now, sitting back to think, holz wasn't too bad afterall..
i gotta know a bunch of great people and got to know SOMEONE better in the bunch...
had great times togetha...
*will remember the great times..winkz*
gonna wipe off everything that's sad and not nice and negative and pessimistic and all..
and only treasure the nice nice ones, the sweet sweet ones, the really gud ones, the optimistic ones, the positive ones...
gonna oi oi now d...
gonna be a pig and have nice sweet dreams...
really afraid i cant wake up on time tomorrow...den sei la..lol..
nitez...