being emotional at this time.

when my sickening sensitive brain-aches attacks
i started to think nonsensically
i started to think pessimisticly...
which i really donut like it!!!

i started thinking of things i wanna remember for life
i started to get so emo.
which isn't what i wanted to even if i try

last time i got so emo over my family
i was thinking if i ever leave this world...how will my family do without me
will they be so sad that, i bring more sadness to them?

then the previous time i got emo over my friends...
that i was thinking if there is ever a something in my silly left brain.a tumor or whatever.
i wonder will they leave me instead of being by my side
supporting me
because there's flaws in me.an imperfection.not perfect anymore
=(

then now, i'm getting extremely emo over practically everything.
i cant even do my work...my projects which is like piling up higher than mount everest!
stupid notty brain...muz just attack me after such a long time not doing so..
and muz it be at this time of my life..
how can i handle the hecticNess of my course and everything evolving around me?
if only i got someone to share them with
to tell him how important he is to me!

and i wont and will not want to go for the check!
i dun wan. no one can make me
even how painful i'm now.
even how i cant stand the pain
i wont
i dun wan waste money
and idun wan know whats happening to me, to my head.

*****

at times, i really wonder whether its time to let certain things go.
whether is it the right thing to do when you can take it no more.

then i now came to a,

conclusion,
i miss the presence of him
i misshow much we once enjoy the company of each other,
i miss how much we once will do every possible things for each other
and i realise i really do miss him.

yes...it's always like this when i doubt my life span in this world
as i am not only having health probs but also family probs, financial probs and my depressed feelings...
and it's really sanfu as i cant find someone who truly understand my situation rite now.

i'm really scared.
sometimes it's not only a merely migrain that attacks...
it's more than that...
[atleast migrain can be relieved by some prescribed painkiller, but hell no for this time]
it's like NO!!!
it's really killing me...