"he said, if you allowed yourself to be

enchanted by the beauty to be seen even ordinary things,

then all things proved to be extraordinary."

-Dean Koontz, Breathless

Its all from e beginning once more...

there we go again..

Another year of packing and unpacking of my bag..

Checking in and out of rooms..

waking up in different places every time when i open my eyes...

...and it's all back at one

Happy 2010 everyone!

(:

really hope this year would be a good one.

"Is love really love if only one of you believes in it?"

of 2nd date (:

for the first ever time after so long, that i was thrilled to actually catch up with him. after my flight last night,he came to pick me up and we spend time together. infact getting to know each other better. i'm glad he actually make the effort in coming to fetch me from the airport and also do his best in asking me alot of questions in regards to myself.(or was it me who was practically rambling most of the time?)lol..oh well,whatever it is, i had a funtastic time!(: until...

when he sent me back last night, i entered my house to realised that i totally forgotten to take the remote control from my housemate.(yes, the three of us, my housemates and i, shared the aircond remote control). don't ask me why, we survived somehow anyway. so yeap, i called him, and told him that i will be spending the night having a sauna. he suggested me to put a night in his place.(in the beginning, i was like...are you sure girl, that it's gonna be a good idea?hmmm) but i know a big part of me wanted to spend more time with him, hence agreeing with the offer.

his kids weren't home, therefore, we had the house to ourselves. spending the night with him, just cuddling...i think it says it all (:

and yes, we spent the night together. just him and i.

the next day, we practically spend our whole morning till late afternoon, doing nothing but cuddling in bed.(something i've been wanting to do since forever but i never found the right person to do with)...until him. being in bed, skin to skin just feels so good!)

then martin called asking if we would like to go out. at first it was to the beach but then, we ended up meeting the rest of his friends. then we went to suntec city toys 'r' us to get christmas pressie!(: i just love love spending time with him!

*a pic of martin and i in Hock's car*
*trying another shot while martin is driving, with me making funny face!*

*lastly, not missing a picture of us to conclude this happy time(:*

as i write this, i'm missing him already...le sigh...

the lil' something that matters.

after dinner, Hock send me back home and to realized that i totally forgotten my keys!!!therefore, i do not have any access to my room.

):

he accompanied me the whole entire night and helped me in fixing my doorknob.

yes the noob me for always forgetting my keys.

He bought a new doorknob for me(which is very kind of him) and bought fish porridge for me for dinner as i wasn't feeling too well somehow.

after replacing it for me,Hock and i have our dinner together.

there was this moment of silence which was quite awkward that both of us suddenly burst out laughing for no reason at all! lol.

it was so funny that we laughed till our tummy hurts so badly.

then it was me again who talked and talked and blabbered all night while he sat there enthusiastically and patiently listening to my rambles of such.

*teehee(:

when he was about to leave, i just realized that i totally forgotten to ask my house mate to leave the air-con remote control before she leave for flight. hence, i was about to face the heat for that night. (the rest will be mentioned in the next post.)

as for now, we spent the night together just whispering sweet nothing.

loving this feeling!

star gazing***

As soon as the bestie departs from the land of kiasuism, I received a text message coming from someone totally unexpected. but I was flattered that he actually texted. in the message, i was being asked to catch the Avatar together with him. I was thinking, why not, when i had wanted so much to watch Avatar but didn't have the opportunity in doing so, hence, i agreed to the "date".

He came and picked me up, and then followed by movie and then dinner by the beach. it was actually, really nice,especially ending the night at the beach which i hadn't been doing for long time. After dinner,i didn't want to go back home just yet, as i wanted to take a stroll down the beach. Getting to know a lil' bout each other was really nice. We chased each other along the beach and walking in each other's footprints! It was good fun! And i hadn't been having such fun for quite awhile.

It was till late night that I wasn't quite in the mood to go back home because i was enjoying so much of his company and of course, being able to relax myself after all these years. He suggested to bring me to a part of the beach that he thought that will mesmerized me with how peaceful and nice it was. To be honest, i was at first hesitating (come on! i barely knew him and he' still a total stranger to me)but i agreed anyway...(lol!oh well, there's just something about him that i trust my own instinct that he MIGHT not be a bad guy)

that, place was really nice..quiet and peaceful, and the stars there are so much more beautiful shining brightly all over the sky! i was indeed mesmerized!(:

he laid a mat on the sand and we both lie on it, side by side, gazing at those billions twinkles in the sky. and in the midst of counting the stars and naming them, a shooting star just shot by! immediately, i shut my eyes, put my palms together and made a wish. and hoping it will come true.

we talked more. at first, it was just plain getting-to-know-each-other conversations, i wasn't feeling anything but all comfortable lying by his side somehow, till a moment whereby, we somehow came to a discussion in what kinda girls is he into and me on guys, and that, i started asking him if he is interested in anyone at my Christmas party!

there's this sudden awkwardness surfaced when he told me that he was interested with the girl who is all so bubbly and cheerful and who is at the moment, lying just beside him, staring up the sky with him. i wasn't really taken into it. (especially i know the last time me, would have felt something ain't right when a guy treating you so well and has been paying so much attention to you for the past few days that you both been catching up with mutual friends, but somehow, the me today was not at the moment in wanting to see anyone let alone having those womanly instinct).

i suggested to wanting to go home where i was in a state that i wasn't being able to believe if what i'm hearing is true or to even think of anything in relates to this. he agreed in sending me home of course.

later, before i actually put m mind into peace, i text-ed him telling him that its fairly impossible of him to be interested in me when we hardly knew each other. he tried convincing me that he was not joking around and that he would really like to continue to see me if i'm OK with it because he likes to be around me. it took me awhile to actually agreed to get to know him better through catching ups as the starting ground.

I've never really open myself to dating seriously for the past a year and a half ever since this guy just broke my heart and left it there. i literally picked the pieces to patch it back up till today, when i decided that, this man, there's something bout him,(i really don'tknow what) that i can be very comfortable with. that i do not need to pretend to be someone who i am not,whom i can talk so much and when he looks into my eyes...

i asked him,"ermmm...is there something wrong?"

he answered,"you have really beautiful eyes do you know that?"

and i in return, blushes and replied,"well ok,u know you don't have to compliment me just so i will be convinced with how you felt about me."

and he shot me back with a,"just say thank you and accept the compliment when someone gives you, you do have beautiful eyes, be confident!"

i was taken aback at first, when all my life, i never had someone telling me what to do and giving it back to me just like that. even my closest friend doesn't do that. and who is he to just give it to me?! but i was shock how he made me accept the compliment, and that made me felt this guy is different, i just know it. well, my strong womanly instinct.

the night was good, really. well, i secretly named this part of the beach..."OUR BEACH"...where i know something beautiful is gonna happen.heh(:

so tah,people, hope you're glad that i'm finally opening up to really seeing someone again.

(:

(2012)

was good, no doubt.

tho it was a typical kinda end of the world movie, but yea.

after all it's who you are watching with that matters, no?

caught the movie with Kagen Xie, this Senior First Officer whom i got to know in Copenhagen.

well, so much happened.

but let's just say, what happened throughout that time, remains only then...

memories..after all, it's past, hence i don't see a point to bring it out again.

tah people. wanna oi oi.

.deepest condolences.

to my honey's poh poh who left us peacefully today.

know that you're up there looking down upon us, having us blessed in every way.

thank you so much for your love and care and concern towards our honey and everyone around her.

may you rest peacefully and that all sweet memories of you lingers around our dear honey.

*visited honey to pay her poh poh a last respect.

and to see that honey was doing just fine, allows me to feel alright just alil.

up there is where she'll be, forever(:

God Bless.

excitement!!!!*teehee

i'm excited!!!

(:

*teehee

...of everything!

from backpacking to embarking on something i've never done inlife.

something i know that will be so amazing and fun.

something that may or may not change my life forever.

Can't wait!(:

already counting down now. in the mean time, i'm looking forward to Amsterdam.

me love!

I NEED A BREATHER!!!

it's been like 2 flights in a row!

i'm so not in the right form to work now.

i really need a break somehow

least give me sometime to settle my stuff

from shift from one end of the world to another, to paying up bills, to have some alone time,

i just need to rest.

i'm really REALLY tired. this i must admit.

it somehow felt different lately

i wonder what makes the differents these days
it just dont feel the same like how it once used to be.

phone calls, the sense of urgency to get a ticket and to get maximum offdays to be back home
was once used to be the top of my list.
but somehow, things changed.
feelings diversed.
it's not like my love for home has changed
it's just that, things aren't feeling right everytime i was home and conversations on the phone are practically topicless.

all i felt like doing whenever i'm in Singapore, is to try getting flights to do, just to keep myself occupied rather than being alone and think nonsense. and flying somehow makes me felt like i have friends and company throughout.

it's like today,
i decided to call home. to confirm what plans i had planned for my upcoming leave which i was anticipating eversince.
then to find out that things were changed.
i was overly upset. and i was so turned down that i do not have the mood to resume the plan anymore.
maybe i wont be going back home this time round for my leave and most probably i'll be volunteering for flights to do then.
least i wont be sad and unhappy.

well, somehow things changed.
will they return to its normality?to how it used to be?
i do hope so. because i misses how much i used to miss home.
really, i do.

"CHIN UP. UR A SEXY BITCH, U DON'T NEED A LOSER GUY=)"

-Carmen Leong love.

.3 flights in a row is killing me crazily.

-Denpasar 090709, Jakarta 100709 and Dhaka 11/120709-

omigosh!!!it's crazy!!!

can' take it..i'm exhausted!

i'm drained..no fun!!!):

what hurts the most

im tired of trying.
im tired to feel the pain you put me through
im so silly to allow you to hurt me again
and now i fell deep into the pitch you just created.

i thought things will change if i put in the effort to keep it going
i thought that you will understand how your friendship meant to me
and how much i wanted you to be one
but then, it seems to me that you'll never get to see the way how i see things.
that we both have different perception of true friendship.

then i realised, no matter how much effort i put into the friendship i tried to build with you
if you don't do the same
the friendship will never grow stronger. it will only be stagnant from how we started.
it will never progress.
no matter how much i believe that we could make it happen, it will never ever work
when you just deny it and not do a thing.
which it hurts. so badly, because i really want to see our special friendship work.

i never thought that'll have me feeling this way
maybe, what i wanted for us is not just plain normal friends,
but to have you in my life as someone more special, someone more true
just like a special friend do.

but what you've done, you don't know how much it hurts.

well it's true,
that sometimes things are better kept unspoken, than to have it out being complicated.

it just adds on, i must say!

did my house chores.
laundry.
shower.
and then i went to the bloodbank to donate blood,
meet my sista, YuenKwang and friends there after.

*****
one pair of 'jimmy choos'
one pair of this 'oh-so-comfy' ballerina pumps
and
one cute lil floral dress

to add on to my collection
(i so need to start arranging and packing my collections)

*****
YuenKwang and Joshua had the night over my place.
we chilled out with raspberryvodka 7-up, cookies, chips and all sorts.
movie of P/S I Love You and i knocked off after.

toodles.

a.quick.catching-up.session

catching up with Chean Ming for dessert at china town, was a great time.

everytime we meet, there surely is something for us to talk about

we had dessert at chinatown. a really last minute decision on that.

some small talks over sweet potatoes in ginger soup and tongYuen in peanut soup and not missing the thick peanut butter toast!

sinfully gobbled all down by the 2 of us.

you know how gluttony comes in the way most of the time, most of the wrong times tho(midnight cravings...arrrgghhh!!!!)

was a merely 45 minutes of time spent together that you know the friendship had bonded closer.

good times.good times.

movie.alone.

watching movie alone for the first time was a life time experience!

something i must jot down so that it'll be tapered forever in my life.

...17again, was the movie.

why? as there ain't anyone who is willing to watch the movie with me,

coming up with reasons on how lame the movie was and whats not.

therefore, i decided to watch it myself.

the movie, i wouldn't say it was fantastic,

but overall rating, i would say it was not too bad.

especially the ending. being someone who is super emo...i cried!

so, the experience was memorable.

i remember i chose to sit in a row where i knew there were quite a number or people were sitted.

as usual, i was too coward to sit alone when the cashier placed me to sit in a row where there is no one.

i ended up sitting in between 2 pairs of lovebirds.

in the midst of the movie, where there's a lil comedic scene, i started laughing

the both couples turn and look over at me.

(what sit alone cannot laugh one is it?)

i felt entirely awkward. but heck it, i enjoyed myself anyway.

i had fun watching the movie alone.

these days, i'm so used to it, i practically watch movies all by myself, well,

least i am pleased at the end of the day.

(:

A Mother's LOVE

...everything else pales against its beauty...

*****

on this special day, i would love to thank the most wonderful woman in my life

the person who provides me neverending love and care.

to the person who have been supporting me through the years,

one who never fails to be there.

the woman whom i have a very special connection with

since when i was feeding through the umbillicord,

since when my limbs started to form,

since when i was swimming in her womb,

she was the person i have the closest connection

of blood and flesh.

as much as i've been a nuisance most of the time,

i was tolerated with her utmost patience and stood by me having me realise the right thing.

to the woman who has it all,

the woman i love...

my mummy dearest!

you're my bestestest FRIEND.

BLESSED MUMMY'S DAY!

.I love you.

w e s a k . d a y

it's the beautiful Buddha's birthday.
and here i am, palms together praying deep down in my heart, for all things to be good and smoothly overcoming by my family and i.
that in every aspect of life, both my family and i will be blessed.

thank you.

am i so heartbroken, that i ain't feeling it no more?

i just felt like normal,
doing things like i usually do.
just like how every other girls do in their everyday lives.
xcept, avoiding the thoughts of what i had just gone through a feew days ago.
yet, it just felt different.

well, i have unknowingly good appetite on food,
i feel the rights to splurge on myself seeing that it's pointless till a certain point to lose the weight to feel good to accomodate him.

i felt that, i once used to be so hopeful in love
all sunshiney and bubbly,

but now it's just a tad tiney winey spot of dot that i felt, neverendingly hurts me.
is it worth it?
is it ever worth it to give love another hope for it to truly exist?

i wonder.
i query.
i asked.